


Bearable

by Roosterbytes



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Happy ending? Kinda., M/M, Self-Harm reference, Suicidal thoughts referenced, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 14:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6613654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roosterbytes/pseuds/Roosterbytes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A ball of sunshine had been thrusted into his life and despite how bright it was, Mark couldn't stop staring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bearable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flyingtacorage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingtacorage/gifts).
  * Inspired by [No Turning Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425059) by [flyingtacorage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingtacorage/pseuds/flyingtacorage). 



> Flyingtacorage gifted me a wonderful work and after reading it I was inspired to write this. 
> 
> Thank you Flyingtacorage. You've gotten me out of my writing rut and got me back to writing. I hope you like this. Have a wonderful day.

It was funny how he couldn't even bring himself to make himself feel better. He knew how to. He knew what he had to do, what he should do. But instead he let the darkness wash over his body in suffocating waves. There was no word to describe the feeling. It was as if he was full and empty. It felt like he was rotting away despite being healthy. There was a general sense of bad that ran under his skin and flowed through his veins.

He just wished it'd stop. But that required him to be dead, and although he felt it and his brain wished it, he had no intentions to go through with it. No matter how much he entertained the thought or planned out his own demise, he simply had no energy to give himself what he'd wanted for years.

Which leads him back to the blade across the room. He knows he could use it. That he could go back to his old habits and pray he felt the bliss once more only for it to fade and smack him in the face with regret. The bliss would disappear, reality would sink in once more and he'd wish he dug a little deeper, just a little closer to that blue line under his skin. But he'd be out of energy to fulfill that wish and would instead pick up and clean the mess he'd made.

It wasn't worth it. It stopped being worth it when the life he got thrown back into no longer felt worth living. And not in the same meaning as those words had before. He simply no longer had the will to live, so he waited for the world to kill him because he didn't have the energy to do it himself.

He was too tired. So very tired.

And although he'd reached this point, that didn't mean he was always like that. There were times, very few, where he'd feel happy again. A ball of sunshine had been thrusted into his life and despite how bright it was, Mark couldn't stop staring.

Although Jack wasn't a quick fix or a solution to his problems, he made them more manageable. He took off some of the weight Mark was carrying without even realizing it. Jack replaced thoughts of suicide with thoughts of how gorgeous Jack was or how soft his lips looked, without even realizing it. And although the thoughts were still there and life still didn't feel worth living some of the time, Jack was there to make it more bearable.

So if Mark made it to the next day, he didn't groan or wish the night had claimed him. He became passive towards it because one more day alive meant one more day with Jack and he's pretty sure he can live with that.

So maybe he wanted to die. And maybe he didn't have the energy to do it himself. But in the meantime, until the world gets rid of him, he doesn't mind spending each day with Jack by his side and a smile on his face.


End file.
